An open letter to OkCupid:

As a twenty-five year old gay man living in New Jersey, I've come to the point where my supply of men (available, and sane) has decreased considerably.  What's a guy to do?...spend my Saturday nights with a tub of hummus?  I think not!  Anyway, being thrifty, I've turned to OkCupid to find love and affection.  Easy enough, right?  Wrong.  Here are my issues:

1.)  Let's change the sites name to Unavailable and Nineteen.  I'm sorry, but when I was 19, I was not ready to settle down.  Hell, I wasn't even out yet......which brings me directly to #2.

2.)  Boys, boys, boys...come out, come out, wherever you are.  We all have our reasons, but to still be closeted midway to 30...eek.  I'm gonna have to click the next button.  (while keeping a semi-open mind.)

3.)  Creepers.  Need I elaborate?  Oh my fucking god!  Also referred to as "basement dwellers," this breed of gay men seem to never leave the house and their ongoing game of Dungeons and Dragons.  Why see the light of day, when you can fantasy role play in medieval garb?  See also, "gaymers."

4.)  Ken doll syndrome.  I get it, you like to be pretty.  Enough with the cover up, glittery lipgloss, and mawls. (man shawls)  To each her own...

5.)  All roads lead to Brooklyn.  No, not Rome...Brooklyn.  Nine times out of ten, my "matches" live in Brooklyn.  Keep in mind,  I have it set so that I can view guys who live a maximum of 50 miles from my front door.  Yes, I'm lazy...I'd totally prefer it if you lived on my street.  Anyway, Brooklyn....the promised land for young gays, it seems, is in no way 50 miles away.

There are plenty of other things, but who wants to read that much.  :P

-Mike

Love conquers most.

While on the quest for love, albeit online, I was messaged by a seemingly nice guy.  We chatted for a little over a week, all the while asking myself, "is he for real?"  I dug deeper finding out more about him; he lived out of state, so it was definitely a no-go...  Ok, so here's what I'm getting to...when I told him that Connecticut was too far to drive to, he asked me...and I quote (and no, I'm not lying)..."Is your heart worth the travel?"  At this point I simultaneously choked on my tongue and vomited in my mouth, while trying not to wet myself laughing.  Next.

Faster than your average Mike.

Today I encountered a rude little bastard of a man.  He came in to pick up money someone had transferred him from Egypt, and as usual, the computer we use for this takes a while to dial up and connect.  So while this was connecting, I walked 3 feet to get a tissue and blow my nose.  Just as the tissue reaches my nose, he stops screaming in Arabic on his cell phone and says to me in a snotty tone, "Can you be quick with this, I have stuff to do."  Ridiculous!  I looked him in the face, as I blew my nose and said "uhh, I can go as quick as the computer," then turned to my coworker and said in a not-so-quiet voice, "I guess I can't blow my fucking nose anymore...unless i do it quickly!"  He was in such a hurry, he tried to get out the in door.  Fail.
[who asked you?]

Excuse me, have we met?

Randomly, strangers...mainly creepers have been striking up conversations with me.  One asked me today how work was going, stared at me for a few minutes, then discussed the currency conversion of USD into money in Jordan.  Why do people feel the need to be awkward and talk to strangers?  Is it just being friendly, or nosey?  In any case...[who asked you?]

Quit stealing my air!

Driving down the highway this afternoon with an unnamed family member, I realized that people's involuntary actions really annoy me.  When I can hear someone breathing, especially nose whistling, it makes me feel like I'm suffocating.  My lungs tense up and I have to close my eyes and relax.  It's awful.  


What drives you crazy?....just askin'.

Funny old people.

Witnessed today, and almost wet myself.  :)

Old Lady:  "yeah, I got my flu shot, no problem."

Old Man:  "god it hurt!"

Old Lady:  "quit your whining!...He's such a sissy!!"

Old Man:  "Ahh, Shut up!"

Imagine wanting your favorite thing in the world, and finding out you can get it at your local grocery store!  This is how old people view getting a flu shot.  They get so excited and line up for it, as if it's a shot of youth serum or felix felicis.  Haha.  I understand not wanting to get the cold that kills you, but come on, get a grip.

Come one, come all!

Nobody asked me, but it's important.  Listen up!  This coming weekend, October 10th-11th, is the National Equality March in Washington D.C.  Come on out, march, be a part of history, and help change the lives and rights of good people!  For more info, go to www.nationalequalitymarch.com.